#9 -28

“I’m sorry but you are the fall-guy... I had to divert their attention away from me so... they think you have it,” she said with a look of cunning remorse.
“What is the stash?” I asked believing she’d give me the honest truth.
”It’s the final formula to change reality into a figmented frolic where nothing is real but real enough to lure the
Pigments, who are us, into a state of pure pleasure.
Of course the Figments need this formula to finalize their program.” she said.
“I didn’t know about it... BB never said anything to me. So... BB initiated it and now it’s a threat?”
“Yeah, and now he, Gino and the foundation of OLK are living in that world and are seldom seen. This is what the Figments are counting on. They need the component to ensure their existence. Without it, reality will dominate,” she said.
“But how could it be possible to wipe out reality?”
“You’ve seen what OLK can do with the software, you were there. The world is connected with technology...via virtual-net, internet and pleasure-net. By these means there would be a global agenda to reform, then erase
reality,” she said.
“But I don’t see a problem with that...most people already spend half their lives in a state of
subconsciousness which is a mild form of figmentation.”

“That’s true enough, but if the Figments get their figmented hands on it, they will also have the power and that power could eliminate mankind if they so wished,” she stated.
“You mean like creating negative forces to kill us?” I asked knowing very well I didn’t need to.
“No time to chit-chat... we have to get the component and destroy it,” she said.


Environmental Tantrums
Clops was still repeating, ‘infinity is now’ then I realized we were still standing where we first cracked the seal on the silver box.
“That was incredible,” I said.
Clops said, “No... that was Dr. Doesit... did you find the lingerie headgear?”
“Just about...Powder has hidden it in the bathroom. I or I should say, we were about to get it when I woke up.”
”Let’s get Powder and powder up in the powder room,”said Clops, blinking his swollen red eye. He looked at me like I was going to say something, so I didn’t.
As the old ranch style outer spring door made its usual smack-mack-ack behind us. The diner looked exactly like my Dr. Doesit vision. Powder came bouncing over and before she could say anything I told her not to say anything but to follow us to the bathroom. The patrons were busily eating their fuzzy green fish and not one head bobbed up as we passed between the booths. We scurried behind the drapes then I said, “Powder, let’s get the component you stashed inside your x-boyfriends lingerie headgear.”
“How did you find out?” she asked.
“Compliments of Dr. Doesit’s mystery concoction,” said Clops.
“What’s wrong with your eye?” Powder asked Clops.
“I was abandoned as a child and raised by a loving couple of cicada,” he said.
She just smiled and said, “Oh... I see.”
My curiosity got the best of me so I asked Powder about the lingerie headgear and she just said, “Do you wanna use up your ninth life?”
I presumed that that was not a warning but a threat so I winked at her trying to soften her up.
“Let’s move on,” Clops whispered, “I hear someone coming.”
Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh and the three of us stumbled onto the light blue tiled floor. There was the now dry but sticky coffee stain with footprints tracking through it which lead to the moon.

#8

In my state I felt a bit ogreish but I’m sure Clops was used to it.

We sat down and I asked for the usual, out of habit. Clops was fumbling inside his pocket, so I told him his water pistol gag wouldn’t work this time.
“No, no, I’ve got some paper for rubbings,” he said, pulling out a roll of creamy toilet paper and a 4B lead pencil. He put the pencil in his mouth and began rubbing the tabletop with the paper.
“Clops...what are you doing?” I asked.
“Making a rubbing,” he answered.
“Rubbing doesn’t mean polishing... you have to use the pencil...here give it to me before you hurt yourself.”
Powder puffed out a deep breath. “What’s wrong with you guys...I smell a Dr. Doesit.”
Clops frowned and blurted out, “It’s prescriptive... we needed it to discover where Sai stashed his stash.”
Powder was called to the kitchen so she spun around and said, “You should be careful, there are Figments everywhere and they’re looking for you, Sai.”
You know I really don’t like being a paranoid but it seemed that now would be the best time. As I glanced around the room I could swear I was in the midst of a dark and murderous circus of unbelievables.
Clops was making some very strange noises and when I turned to look at him, my eyes ran across the tabletop.
Someone had removed the table top philosophy. Then I saw Clops’ good eye twitching and tears sliding down his cheek.
“Pull yourself together man,” I said, “It wasn’t like it was a hyroglith though you’re looking somewhat like a hydroglith.”
“We have to talk to Powder, she knows what we need to know,” I said while thinking about the lingerie headgear.
Clops leaned over and whispered in my ear. “Someone once told me that I look like a cicada after I’ve cried...do I?
”Well, Clops... now that you mention it, you kind of do,” I replied.
He was about to turn on the faucet again but there was a commotion in the kitchen that stunted his sensitivity.
I could hear the cook screaming, “This fuzzy green fish is a specialty!”
Everyone in the place spit what they had in their mouths out onto their tables. Then I heard Powder say, “Haven’t you noticed the unfathomable reek in here.”
“It may be smelly but this is the only restaurant that serves this delicacy,” said the cook.
Everyone resumed and consumed the rest of their fish when they heard ‘delicacy’.

Powder came rushing out of the kitchen looking very
fed up. She ripped off her apron and threw it at the
disturbed masked man. He grabbed it and began
beating it with the flyswatter while shouting, “I am not
a heterosexual.”
“Let’s get out of here,” she said. So we followed her like a couple of price tags not yet clipped from her tight but nicely formed jeans.
Clops said to me, “Good thing I have only one eye... with two it would be too much.”
Understanding perfectly well what he was talking about, I closed my good right eye and said, “I know what you mean.”
Before we had reached the door, the rough lookers who went to the bathroom earlier came rushing through the drapes.
“There he is, let’s get him,” and they bolted towards us.
Clops yelled, “Get going, I’ll stop them.” He turned around, stretched out his elastic orangutan arms and flung both of them back over some tables into the drapes.
Powder and I ran down the street around a tight corner, in through a back alley right behind the Slixx.
“We’ve got to get into the bathroom... that’s where I’ve hidden the stash,” she said.
“You’ve hidden it...but I’m supposed to have hidden it, haven’t I?”

#7

were multiplying and they were after something the Pigments had. The rumor is that they are reverting to malicious means to get it.

She looked around at the patrons, feeling that not all of them were still under the control of the OLK. In fact maybe none of them were. It wasn’t twenty minutes ago when a couple of rough lookers came in asking if anyone had seen Sai. Powder told them he went to the bathroom behind the drapes. They immediately shuffled over and closed the drapes behind them and never came back.

To make things worse, one of the customers kept shouting, “Is it Friday again.” Over and over, then he would pinch his nose, take a deep breath and wait until his face was purple before starting again.

A few of the regulars stuffed the complimentary paper napkins in their ears and kept munching on their ‘Special of the Day’.

Another fellow called the chef a sadist because his baked fish came with toothpicks in its eyes. Mind you he didn’t complain about the green olives which replaced the somewhat chewier eyes.

Everything was as usual, everything but a small man wearing an Adolf Hitler mask and full army fatigues decorated with dried chilly peppers. He kept talking to his fish and every so often he would pull out a fly-swatter and smack it.

Possibly a wanna-be actor.

Friday Special
“Infinity is now! No...now!” Clops spoke as though a prophet discovering the voice of God. By the time we had finished smoking the contents of the silver box it felt as though I had lived a cats nine lives. There were moments of levitation that almost surpassed my lucid dreams. Several times Clops had to pull me back from helium land. I was focused like an OLK family home movie director, places everyone, 53 degrees light refraction, remote in hand, now action...wait a minute what am I thinking. I....

Clops interrupted my thoughts by sneezing some of his nostril hairs all over the lenses of my sunglasses. At such close range I could have mistaken them for optical nostrilatory invaders.

”Let’s get over to the Slixx,” I motioned while wiping them off on his shirt.

“Sorry about that,” he said with an absent smile.

As I opened the spring loaded door, Powder rushed over looking either concerned or gaging because of the Friday Special....maybe both.

“Can we have my regular table?” I asked.

“Hurry,” she said, hoping that nobody would notice her with us.

Of course everyones eyes strayed from their eating tasks and focused on the excitement. I heard a voice say, “Oooo, Sai....Clops.

#6

“Nice disguise,” I felt like saying, so I did.
“Feeling better I see,” he possibly felt he had to say, so he did.
“You should have come back with me, now we’re here in one of your brothers ill humored programs....yes I know BB and his warped sense of terrariumism.
You see, when I last saw you, I went back though the wall and found that it was reality but I made the mistake of coming back to get you. You had already gone through the moon which was one too many for me. I couldn’t find my way back to the real world and ended up in between the blue wall and the drapes in Slixx.”

That was interesting but as far as I know the blood oozing out from beneath the bandage meant that I was real so I asked Powder, ”Do you have a pin?”
“So you’re gonna check us to make sure we’re not just Figments but Pigments,” she said. “You’re not gonna poke anything in me,” Clops blurted out, “that’s how I lost my eye.”
Powder said, “It’s okay with me... a little pin-prick is easier than pulling a broken shot glass from my ribs.”
She looked at me and said, “You can do the honours.”
She held up the pin but before I could walk over to get it, she jabbed it into Clops hand. He let out a howl as I watched his blood squirt up into the air. He managed to get his mouth over it and began sucking like some blood thirsty vampire.
“One down, one to go but just...”Powder didn’t have a chance to finish her sentence.

Clops grabbed the pin from her and stuck it in her eye. It was awesome. Powder was a puff of perfume. Poof and her pajamas slumped slowly to the floor.
Clops smiled and said, “She couldn’t be here. I just left the Slixx and she’s waiting on the misfits there. Sai, you must have something very important that the virtual guests want.”
“Maybe, but I don’t know anything. In fact I’m supposed to have a stash... I guessed with Powder puff here, but where it is... your guess is as good a mine.”
Clops looked uninterested then said, “I’ve got an idea... my guess may be better than yours or maybe your imagination needs a certain doctor.”
“Are you talking about Dr. Doesit?” I asked.
“Dr. Doesit everyday. He says do it and you’ll find a clue in Powders lingerie headgear,” said Clops.
I must have looked interested because Clops lifted his black eye patch and scratched his moist socket like a dog with a flea.

Doing It
On the way over to see the doctor, Clops said he needed some smokes so we stopped in at the Copout shop.
“What kind are you smokin?” I asked.
“The kind that smokes well.”
At the counter he asked the bald cashier for CO2 Fingers XS.
The cashier asked for his permit and Clops pulled out a crispy hundred dollar bill and said, “Will this do?”
Immediately his fairly hairier hand snatched it from Clops, he sniffed it, put it up to the light then licked the watermark. I was thinking maybe I should prick him, after all his behavior was a bit touched and his movements were slightly blurred.
He reached under the counter, bringing out a silver box with a gold seal on it. Opening it carefully, he reached inside and pulled out another silver box with a red seal on it and handed it to Clops. “Thanks Doc,” Clops said while pocketing his bootie.
“Lets head over to the Slixx and have a chat with Powder but before that we should do it,” he said.
He took out the box, cracked the seal and handed me one of the extremely small cigarettes.
“You smoke don’t you?” he asked. I took it from him and said, “Fire me.”

As Usual
At the Slixx, Powder was rushing about as usual but she felt a little uneasy and sensed an invasion of her personal privacy. The word was out that the Figments

#5

“You don’t know where it is, do you? she asked.

”Of course I do. It’s well hidden,” trying to look confident in what I was saying.

Her look was that of doubt, then she said, “Well, what will it be...either way is fine for me.”

Now We’re Here
Rap-rap, rap, rap-rap... someone was at the door. I walked over to the desk and turned on the small utilitarian lamp with the smokeable nicotine stained shade. ”Were you expecting someone?” I asked, lifting my left eyebrow in a gesture of suspicion. Again came the raps but more intense this time.

“Just a minute,” I yelled, “I’ve got to powder my nose.” At the same time looking at Powder’s face to try to read her posture.

I asked her again, ”Who is it?”

She laughed and said loudly, “Who could it be?”

There was a moment of silence then, “It’s me.”

Powder went to the door, unlocked it and opened it.

“Come on in Clops,” she said.

Clops had an upgrade and looked much better now that he wore a black eye patch over his gimped eyeless socket and his fingernails were polished with shiny red polish giving his stubby fingers an illusionary longness...even though the dead give-a-way were his bushy nostril hairs that were tangled in his moustache.

#4

Back but Still There

There was nothing but still I kept thinking it’s time to get up so I forced my eyes open.

It was dark. I could hear the fan snoring as if with each turn of the three blades it was going somewhere deep within its own dream world. I must have been sweating during the night because my Anpanman pajamas were ready to swim off my clammy skin and I was in dire need of a shot of Fireball corn whiskey.
I reached over to the small but suitable night table to where I always left my shot glass before passing out. As my fingers touched the glass I felt something touch my leg. I jolted off the bed pulling the legs of the table out from under itself. I fell awkwardly and with a snap and a crack the now broken shot glass lodged itself between ribs number six and seven.
“What are you doing?” I heard someone asking.
“Giving my ribs a drink,” I said...now bleeding profusely into the spilled corn whiskey.
The light bulb on the ceiling sizzled twice and then burnt out. I had just enough time to see that standing next to the light switch was Powder.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I didn’t want your chowder, just your money...not like Clops,” she said.
“Oh ya...but where am I?” Knowing dam well that this was my room but not knowing how I got here.

Usually ones eyes adapt to the darkness but there were only spooky floaters floating before my eyes.

“Powder, there’s a flashlight under the pillow, could you turn it on?”

I heard the rustle of a pillow and then voilà. She shone the beam on me and gasped. Then I gasped and quickly dislodged the broken shot glass from the right side of my wounded torso. Powder quickly grabbed a handful of used tissues and a pair of handcuffs.

She winked while saying, ”Just kidding,” and threw them back on the bed.

She placed the tissues over my wound and rushed off to the medicine cabinet inside the bathroom.

“This tape bandage should hold it together,” she said.

When she came back she picked up the broken pieces of glass and began to tape it back together.

“What about me?”

Presumptuously thinking the shot glass wasn’t as important as me.

“You’ll be okay... you look shocked. Don’t worry I have one here for you, too.” She neatly wrapped the shot glass back together and started on me, stopping only for a moment to fill the bandaged glass with whiskey.

”Here you are,” she smiled as the whiskey dribbled out from beneath the bandage.

I chugged it back, let out a deep heated guttural growl and said, “Thanks!... How did I get here?” Knowing she had a good idea what the answer was.

“It’s a long uninteresting story so I’ll keep it short. Clops and I found you just down the street from the Slixx all huddled up in Gino Valentinos flower bed. We called Dr. Doesit and had him examine you. He said you weren’t feeling well...possibly a heart attack, gave us some pills and told us to keep you in bed for a couple of days. And here you are, fit as a fiddle...almost.”

“You mean I’ve been medicated?” I asked.

“No, no, he gave them to Clops and I...they’re really good.”

“What about my heart?”

“You’ve been sleeping for several days now and you’re still here, aren’t you?”

“... So you wanted more than my chowder...did you find my stash?” I commented.

“If I had, I wouldn’t be here now, I’d be over at Gino’s place celebrating with the OLK, she said.

“You mean the OLK is real?”

“If it wasn’t we wouldn’t be here now,” she said.

”Shit!!! How do I get out of here?”

“I can show you for a small fee...your stash,” she said.

I’d gladly give her my stash if I could believe her but right now she could be just numbers and letters in the program.

Stash...I thought trying to remember where it was and was it just money or possibly something of importance.

3rd

“Take a look at this,” said BB as he slipped the disk into the CPS. For a moment we all just stood there, hypnotised by the vivid content. Such beautiful imagery that seemed to drug the mind into another reality.

“Quick...now’s the time, let’s go outside,” said Gino.

When Gino opened the door a cold blueish haze rushed into the entrance. Once out on the steps I could understand why. The yard was filled with a thick blanket of sparkling blue snow just like on the monitor and it was now evening even though it wasn’t. The snow kept falling but just outside the fence it was dry and I could make out a faint silhouette of the sun shining.

“This software is programmed to enhance environmental conditions wherever you wish,” said BB.

This can’t be real, so I walked down into the snow and made a few snowballs and tried to toss them over the fence. They smacked against a barrier and instantly evaporated. It was real enough...cold wet hands seemed undeniable proof.

“Now do you understand...even the greasy spoon you were sitting in this morning only existed in one of my software programs and you were a part of the experiment... but I see there is one little snag... you seemed to have forgotten about reality. Maybe the drugs haven’t totally worn off yet. Tell me, where were you before you entered the Slixx?” asked BB. “Before the Slixx...I have a room above it, next door to the Cop-out Shop. Very interesting owner.”

“Do you have any idea how long you’ve lived there? Gino inquired with a curious smile on his face.

"About a month but I can’t tell you anything before that. It was like being born an adult.” “Come and sit down here on the step,” he said while pulling out a small device at the same time.

“ Latest state of art VC-extractor,” he announced.

“What’s that for;” thinking of some medieval method of torture or... I didn’t even have time to finish my thought. He unexpectedly jammed it against the back of my cranium just below my Sponge Bob tattoo. I felt an undeniable pain then a rush of muddled memories pouring in like being filled up with premium unleaded.

“Got it,” he said holding up a virtual chip the size of a newts tongue.

“Let’s go inside and have a few drinks,” Gino suggested with a smile of finally in his eyes.

The Attack
As we walked to the door, Gino pulled out a remote, punched in a code and everything disappeared. The sun shone brightly on the green grass... then I noticed that some of the people who were with us also disappeared so I asked Gino. “How do I know that this isn’t still part of the program?”

He laughed and said, “Maybe it is.”

BB came up behind me and said, “Put your finger in the moon and find out or spend some time here celebrating with some of your fantasies.”

Just then Powder opened the door and said, “What can I git ya?” Geez... that rings a bell, thinking back to the Slixx. I believe she had been with me from the beginning so I asked, “Powder, do you remember the Slixx?”

“Never bin there,” she said then pulled out a pistol and winked. “I’m thinking your toast.”

I heard a deafening bang and then felt a sharp but invigorating pain shoot through me. As I was falling I could a hear a voice shouting 911...there’s another one heading this way and then there was nothing.